


I'm a Very Fine Swan Indeed

by Leni Jess (Leni_Jess)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-04
Updated: 2011-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-23 10:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/249114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leni_Jess/pseuds/Leni%20Jess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus finds himself in a fairytale…</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm a Very Fine Swan Indeed

**Author's Note:**

> Back in 2005 regan_v sponsored a Fluffy!Snape Crack Ficlet Challenge on LJ, for which I wrote this, on 30 December. Which was fun. Er. No need to fear the fluff. I fail at fluff. Not really crack, either… a traditional fairy tale. If you come at it north-north-west.

Severus Snape had had a trying life, and even with Voldemort (and Dumbledore) gone there were trials remaining, like the Man Who Wouldn't Die, and the Werewolf Who Kept Forgiving Him.

At last, however, his Real Parents, who were a Fairy King and Queen (no, not those silly things that let themselves be stuck in Christmas trees and rosebushes), decided that their eldest child had shown himself worthy of them, in his ability to withstand both trial and temptation ( _vide_ the remaining trials in Severus's life). They revealed themselves to him and told him so.

Now he could come home and be a Fairy Prince, and wear the pink and green satins and gauzes that were suited to his station, and ride a unicorn (for had he not withstood those temptations?).

Severus looked unimpressed. It was bound to be the wrong shade of green.

He could soon graduate to going about doing Good to Mere Mortals, like goosegirl princesses whose husbands had been taken by an evil competitor for the post of wife, and had only the head of a (dead) talking horse to advise them.

An impartial observer might have thought Severus was about to throw up. Women. Dark Ladies. Dead things talking.

His wand would be transformed to its proper state, and have a twinkly star at the end. Severus could choose the colour, or it could be all the colours of the rainbow.

Severus swallowed hard. Then did it again. Also, he had had enough of twinkly already.

Finally, Severus would have wings. Proper filmy rainbowy wings.

Severus had had enough of the whole idea.

He snarled, starting at the end, "If I want to fly I have a broom. Or could call a thestral, which would be more use than any nattering horsehead. I don't like women. Unicorns' horn spirals are far too sharp. I prefer Slytherin green. And lots of black."

Grudgingly he added, having learned the hard way not to piss off powerful persons, "Thank you all the same."

His Royal Parents were taken aback.

"But what do you want to do, then, Sevvie dearest?" his Lady Mother enquired.

Severus gave her his best Death Eater grin. "Potter and Lupin."

He added, "I shall retire to a wilderness, with no _people_ and no _house-elves_ and no _pretty witless_ \-- uh, no other magical creatures either. Then I shall spend all day creating more dark and darkish and even not-so-dark magic spells. _Sectumsempra_ could use some refinements, now I have a little leisure again. I take it you do mean to contribute to my maintenance, having put me through this apprenticeship without asking me if I wanted to go about doing Good to anyone at all? Haven't you found yet that it doesn't pay?"

Severus was left with several bags of gold which extensive testing proved were real, not just fairy gold, or leprechaun gold either, as his father led his sobbing mother away.

As he tucked the bags into his capacious pockets he heard his mother ask forlornly, "But where did we go wrong, dearest? We meant it for the best!"

Severus rolled his eyes. Famous last words.

the end of the story

**Author's Note:**

> Title courtesy Sylvia Fine, based on Hans Christian Anderson's _The Ugly Duckling_ (as is this ficlet). The Grimm Brothers' fairy tale _The Goose Girl_ which is alluded to can be found [here (in Andrew Lang's version)](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/goosegirl/index.html), if you don't know it.


End file.
